Yesterday was my third wedding anniversary! I love going back through our wedding photos and re-watching our wedding videos! They bring me so much joy!
I can tell you that planning my wedding wasn’t the most exciting thing, which it usually is- and it should have been. But grief and heartache stole my joy. It stole the excitement of wedding planning.
Why you might ask? I was a bride planning my wedding without my mom. She had passed away when I was 15. I had been through a lot of exciting moments without her by the time my wedding came around, so I never thought it would be as hard as it was.
I rushed. I rushed through every little part of planning. If I rushed, then I wouldn’t have time to feel the hurt, to cry because she wasn’t there to help weigh the pros & cons of the different venues, try different cakes, try on a gazillion and 1 dresses, to talk about food and colors and how to wear my hair, do I wear a veil? There is so much that goes into wedding planning and I literally RUSHED through every. single. part of it.
It was easy to avoid my feelings, I had been doing it for a long time. I wish I wouldn’t have. I should have cried about it. I missed her and was incredibly sad that she couldn’t be there. I also had a lot of guilty feelings later about how much fun I did have and the happiness that overflowed my heart marrying Kenny that day.
Here’s my little piece of advice to those wedding planning without someone special.
1. Let yourself feel those feelings. There is nothing more healing than a good cry. A good conversation with the one you miss telling them that you wish they were here. If you are overflowing with sadness and grief. Thats OK!! No one expects you to keep it all together all the time. Especially in those moments! When you allow yourself to feel those feelings, to express them, you make room for enjoyment, for happiness to fill your heart!
2. If you don’t feel those overwhelming sad moments, thats OK!! I missed my mom so much on my day, and I struggled to keep it together walking down the aisle, I knew that so many of the tears coming from my family and friends was because they were sad that my mom wasn’t there. But I remember being all smiles for the most part, laughing & dancing the night away. I was with everyone that I love, that loves me and we were there to celebrate! For a short time after I felt bad that I didn’t have the stereotypical break down. I didn’t sob. I laughed, and danced and sang and hugged and was SO happy. My mom would have wanted nothing less or more. She would have loved Kenny. I know that! Enjoy your day, don’t let grief steal your joy!
Here are some wedding planning tips on how to incorporate those you’ve lost in a special way!
We had a memorial table! Many people put up photos of their loved ones up, we did not. We put candles for each person and I also had a floral arrangement made by Ivy Hutch Flowers & Gifts that had yellow flowers because yellow was my moms favorite color!